Friday, May 6, 2011

It's Friday!

Well, yesterday was my timed mile. It sucked. Bad. I was out of breath before I even finished a quarter mile. I think my time was like 14:50. Which is awful. But the whole point of this is to see how much our time improves by the end of May. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that before we even started the mile, I ate it. Yep, right there on the track. She told us to sprint, which means take off running as fast as you possibly can. So I did, and then my body kept going but my legs turned to jello. I caught myself so I didn't faceplant lol. But, my hands and left elbow slid on the track.

Here's a picture of my elbow. Ouch.

It definitely wasn't fun scrubbing it in the shower.

Hopefully everyone is having a better day than I am. Usually I'm not a huge complainer, but today I feel the need to vent. So here I go. Ever have days where you just want to cry for no reason at all? Today is that day for me. Granted, I am on my period. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I weighed myself this morning. Absolutely no change since Monday. So I've been cutting my calories and working out for 5 days and it's done nothing so far. I know, I know, I could be gaining muscle blah blah blah. But, I'm pissed. I'm not going to give up, but I was hoping I'd atleast have lost 2 pounds by now. Geez. I should be used to this. I can lose 4-5 pounds in a week by starting weight watchers. But, if I do that and workout, for some reason I don't lose weight. Maybe it's because I get discouraged and quit right before I start getting results. So i'm sticking with it this time. We'll see.

Work today has sucked already. I have my own office, but I constantly have people coming in to use the copier and fax. Today, I just want everyone here to leave me alone. I've already had a mini cry session at my desk today. Again, couldn't tell you why. Just one of those days. I think I need therapy. You probably think I'm kidding but I'm totally serious. If I could afford it, I'd so have a therapist. For some reason, it's easier for me to vent/talk about how I'm feeling to a stranger rather than my family or friends. So for now, I guess this blog is my therapy.

So, my sister is engaged. Which is great. I'm totally happy for her. But, she's 20 and I'm 24. So, it makes me feel a bit lame that she's getting married before me. Especially, since I always thought I'd be married by now. Shoot, I used to think I wanted to have my first child by 25. That's obviously not happening. I know life usually doesn't go as we expect or want it to, but it still just makes me a little sad. I'm not really in a rush. I mean I'd never marry someone just because I felt like I should be married by then. I want to wait for the right person. But, sometimes, I get sick of waiting! Just like Charlotte in Sex and the City when she says, "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he?! ”. That's how I feel. I love Sex and the City! I wish it was still on.

I think in a lot of relationships I've been in, I put my happiness all on that one person. Which isn't healthy or fair, but I do it. When I'm single and just hang out with my friends, I'm happy, but once a guy is in the picture even a little bit, my emotions depend on how that goes. I'm not saying that once I start seeing a guy that I only spend time with him and bail on my friends. I don't mean that at all. But say I've been hoping all week to a go see a movie with him and then he cancels because something comes up. I get unreasonably upset. I don't know why. Maybe because I deal with depression. See, I told you I need therapy. I take a mild antidepressant daily that helps a lot. Just keeps things balanced. But, I still deal with it. Feeling hopeless somedays all because the chemicals in my brain are off. Geez, I'm a total Debbie Downer today.

This post ended up being longer and more serious than I planned. If you actually read the whole thing, props to you! And welcome to my effed up mind lol. On a better note, if my plans with the boy tonight fall through, I'm going to cheer myself up by going to best buy and buying Season 5 of Grey's Anatomy. I finished season 4 last week and am dying to know what happens next. Although, I don't need to spend the money. But, if I have to spend $50 on a set of DVD's that will help my mental health, so be it.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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