Saturday, December 31, 2011

Crash!... That was the sound of my world turning upside down.


I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, and have been going back and forth about whether I should publish it or not. So, that's why I'm not considering this my first post of 2012.

So.... I mentioned previously, here, that something drastic is about to happen in my life. I was pretty vague and that's because IF any of my extended family, happened to come across my blog, it would cause an enormous disaster. I even looked to see if blogger will let you set certain posts, where only followers can see them, but that's not possible. I've changed my google settings where my my blog isn't search able, so I think I'll be alright. I'm mostly just writing this post for myself. To be able to look back and just write (or type) out my thoughts and emotions. If you don't feel like hearing about how my life is a cluster fuck, skip this post.

*sigh* Ok, here goes.

I found out 2 months ago that my parents, who have been married 29 years, are getting divorced. They've known since May of this year. This literally shocked me to my core. I can't even paint a proper picture of how happy my parents have seemed my entire life, up until 3-4 months ago. They're religious, have always been affectionate, I never saw them fight, and divorce was literally NEVER in any of our vocabulary. I've had two months now to deal with this and prepare for it. The worst part.. they made me promise to keep their upcoming divorce, a secret from my sister, until after her wedding. I do understand this. If she knew, her wedding day would be that much more emotional and almost sad for her. But it's soooo hard for me not to tell her. She's the only one that will really understand how crazy it is.

So Wednesday, my sister texted me and asked if I'd noticed my Mom acting weird. I played dumb and asked what she meant. My Dad just recently bought himself a laptop, and she said that my Mom asked her if she knew the password to get into his laptop. Obviously, that would cause my sister to suspect something, so I'm not quite sure why she asked my sister that. I texted my Mom right after that, just to let her know she needed to be more careful in front of my sister. My Mom immediately told me to call her, so I did.

I told her why my sister was suspicious and my Mom just kind of went off. Let me give you a little background information. My Dad has always been one of those people that didn't want a cell phone, because he said he didn't want people bothering him. About 3 months ago, out of the blue, he got a cell phone. I also just found out recently, that he has a different cell service carrier too. So he's not even on our family plan. Talk about weird. Ok, back to my Mom. She angrily said, "He thinks I can't see him sitting in the study on his fucking cell phone!" At this point, I asked her what was going on and also asked if he's seeing someone else. She said she doesn't know what's going on. We both started crying.

A little more background information. A lot of the time, when my Dad isn't home, I'll ask her where he is and she says, "He's with a friend", and won't give me any other info. So, on the phone, I asked my Mom what "he's with a friend" means.. She said, "It means he's with a friend". WTF? I asked who his friend is and she wouldn't answer. I asked if he's seeing another woman. She said, "I can assure you it's not another woman." I jokingly said, "What, is he gay?" and laughed. She would not answer. All she said was that she needed to let him tell me whatever details he felt comfortable sharing. So now, I think my Dad might be gay! Which is absolutely insane! I literally sat and cried in my office for 20 minutes after getting off the phone with her. I've never had any inkling that he could be, or even that they were unhappy together. I still don't know that he is, but what she said really makes me think that. I'm going to need therapy after all this is said and done. Geez.

Friday, December 30, 2011

My attempt at a water fast= FAIL!

I did some research, a few days ago, on ways to lose weight quickly.

I came across what's called a "water fast". It's exactly what you're probably thinking it is. You go a certain amount of days, drinking only water.

No food. At. All. 

So, I decided to give it a try.. seemed easy enough. I watched youtube videos of people doing it and, on average, in 7 days you lose 18lbs. I understand this seems very extreme. And it is. But, it's actually GREAT for your health, if you do it 2-3 times a year. After the third day of the fast, your body begins releasing the built up toxins that are stored in your fat cells and heals your damaged organs. Your body goes into ketosis and begins burning your fat supply, therefore, making you lose weight. There are so many studies showing water fasting can solve/help many health problems, and help you live longer.

On Wednesday afternoon, after eating Mexican food (ugh), I decided to start one. Yesterday was my first full day on just water. It was hard and I was pretty hungry. By 3pm, I had a bad headache that didn't go away until today. I planned on doing a 3 day fast (72 hours), but I only made it about 44 hours. I did lose 3.6 lbs though! I thought my willpower was better than that, but my mind just kept telling me to eat. There are people that actually do 40 day fasts. There is no way I could go that long.

I mostly tried this because I still need to lose weight to fit into my bridesmaid dress, since the wedding is only 8 days away! But now that I know how many benefits water fasting has, I'd like to try it again. I broke the fast this morning with a breakfast bar. Then, I went to lunch and had a salad with grilled chicken and raspberry vinaigarette dressing. I'm going to try and keep from gaining the weight that I lost, back and possibly start another 2 day fast at the beginning of next week. I'm also going to hit the gym every single day until the wedding.

By the way, I'm nowhere near an expert on water fasting and I'm not even recommending it to anyone. I just came across it and it interested me, so I wanted to share, in case anyone is interested.

Here are a couple links to some informative sites about water fasting.

Here's a doctor talking about it too.

Has anyone else ever done a fast or been interested in trying one?

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Date #1 with IT guy

Here I go again with online dating.

I've been texting this guy for about 2 weeks, and he seems pretty cool. He works for Microsoft doing IT work (obviously why I'm calling him IT guy) and travels a lot. He's only in Houston Thursdays-Mondays. The other days he's working in Oklahoma City. The weird thing is, he's only 23 years old! I've literally never dated or gone on a date with a guy, my age or younger, but he seems pretty mature for his age.

We decided to meet up Christmas night, after I was finished with all my family stuff. We planned on meeting up at a bar first for a drink or two and then going to his place to watch some movies (we're both huge movie buffs). So, like usual, my family's shindig lasted a lot longer than I expected. He texted me around 10 and said that he was just going to stay in and watch movies, and he didn't feel like going out. I figured we'd meet another night, but he told me I was welcome to come have drinks at his apartment and watch movies like we planned. I was a little hesitant. Going to some guy's apartment that I'd never met. Kinda scary, but I decided there were no red flags showing that he was a psycho or anything, so I went.

I didn't get there until about 11:45pm. He walked down from his apartment, to the parking garage to meet me and he was exactly how I expected. We hugged and said hi, and began talking as we walked up to his place. His apartment was really nice and he has an awesome black cat named, Weezy, that loved me. Of course, I got distracted by the cat ha. We made drinks and kept talking. Mostly about his job and where all he has to travel. He really does seem like he's 26 or something.

He tells me to pick a movie, so I start looking through his library of dvds. There had to have been atleast 200. We decided on Seven, because I hadn't seen it in like 8 years and I'm always down for a scary movie. So, he's drinking beers and I'm drinking my vodka and cranberry juice, and the funny thing is, we're talking throughout the movie. We talked about other movies we liked, our families and our opinions on religion.

Before I know it, the movie is over and it's 2:15am. He asks me what I'd like to do, and I said that if he wasn't tired, we could watch another movie. He agrees and picks out The Social Network. We continue drinking and talking, and I notice him moving closer to me. Not anything obvious, but one of us was constantly going to the bathroom to pee because we were drinking lol. So, every time he'd come back to sit down, he'd get a little bit closer. When the sides of our legs were finally touching, he lifted the arm closest to me and rested it on the couch until he got up the courage to actually put it around me. It was all very cute. Even after that movie ended, we continued talking about music and what bands we'd seen live. Both pulling up different songs on our iphones to let the other listen.

 Eventually, at 5am, we were both tired and I decided it was time for me to head home. I grabbed my cranberry juice, since I had finished off my vodka, and walked to the door. I wasn't sure what to expect, but we ended up hugging and both saying we'd have to hang out again and I left. I kind of wished he had walked me to my car since I was a tad tipsy and it took me a couple tries to find the right stairwell to my car.

So not a real juicy date, but I did have a good time. I actually need to write a post on the guy I was seeing when I was MIA for a couple weeks, but it's kind of a long story. Let's just say, he ended up being a psycho. I'll try to write that in the next few days. Anyone else been on an interesting date lately?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Pets Dressed for Christmas and a Quick Weight Update

Merry Christmas a couple days early!

Here's a quick weightloss update!
I weighed myself this morning and I was 186.2.

Starting weight: 194.6
Current weight: 186.2
Total lost: 8.4lbs

Now here's some creepy, dressed up, Christmas pets!


 




*all pictures found on google


And here's a couple of my pets. They hate me.
Jake

Mia


Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Pictures of the Bachelorette Party and Day 9 on Phentermine

Hello ladies!

I want to tell you about my sister's Bachelorette Party! Of course I dressed her all up with a hot pink veil, and a big light-up ring. We started at my aunt's house, drank some sangria and "pink panty pulldown" punch (lol that's what it was called), and let her open her gifts. Then we did some stupid games like Who knows the Bride best?, and then a Bride-Groom quiz, which was cute.

Then, we headed to have sushi. Nothing too eventful there, but my sister was silly drunk.
So, after that, we get to La Bare. None of us had ever been to a strip club before, and I have to say it was definitely an experience! We had to pay to get in, and they offered me a package that included us being able to sit right in front of the stage, a lap dance for the bride, and a t-shirt. Obviously, I did that lol.

What I saw inside, was pretty crazy. There's a lot more touching than I thought there would be! The dancers were up on either the main stage or the little side stages. They don't get naked, but they're wearing tiny shorts. They were grabbing the women's hands and putting them on their junk! They were also kissing women on the cheek and neck. So my sister and her friends were dancing up right by the stage, so of course the men were pulling her up on stage.

Let me explain. The stage, when you're standing up, is about at your waist, so it's easy for them to pull you forward so you're laying on the stage. Well, a few of them did this, and pulled her on her back onstage, and were getting all over her. One actually did a headstand in her crotch like this! I took pictures with my phone, but I obviously can't share these. The dj yelled for anyone with $1 bills to lay on the stage and put them in your cleavage. My sister, a few of her friends and I decided to do this. So I laid down on my back with money in my boobs, and this guy is leaning over me shaking his junk in my face and pulled up my shirt with his teeth and licked my belly button! I was laughing my ass off. It was fun, but only for bachelorette parties.

Here's some of the pictures that I CAN show you.

Here's my beautiful little sister

I was putting a "Kiss the Bride" tattoo on her
The whole group
Kelly, Kristena and I

Bethany and I

Ok, on to my weight loss update. Today is my 9th day on Phentermine. I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was 187.2. This morning the scale said 186.6. The amount I'm losing is slowing down a bit, but I'm still extremely pleased with my results so far. I've lost a total of exactly 8 pounds in 9 days. I haven't worked out once, although I do need to. I also went on Tuesday to try on my bridesmaid dress and it actually zipped up! It had been let out about 2 inches, but it was too small by about 3.5 inches last time I tried it on. It's still too tight, so I have to keep this up. If I can lose another 8 pounds in the 16 days til the wedding, I will be ecstatic. I need to tone up my arms since it's a strapless dress. I feel like that's what makes me look so obviously fat lol.

Is everyone ready for Christmas?
I still have a lot of shopping to do.
Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

Friday, December 16, 2011

It's Friday and I've lost weight.. Double awesome!

Happy Friday!

I'm having a good one so far. It's our Christmas luncheon at work today so they're having it catered by Pappa's Barbecue. Yikes right? Atleast there won't be many carbs. It's day 3 on Phentermine and I have to say... I'm loving it! Weighed myself this morning and I was 188.4! On my scale, the night I weighed in at the weight loss clinic at 193.5, I was 194.6 on my scale. So I'm just gonna say I've lost about 5 pounds in 3 days! I have more energy and I can honestly say, I don't really think about my next meal (like I used to) or food period. For the record, I'm not promoting this or anything lol. But I just want to let people know my experience with this pill. I mean 5 pounds in 3 days is amazing to me. I get full quickly and just don't really have much of a desire to eat.

I'm throwing my little sister's bachelorette party this weekend. Tomorrow night actually. We're starting at my aunt's house for games and drinks. I'm making homemade sangria and also a vodka punch! I'll post the recipes later if they're good ;). After that, we're going to a nice sushi restaurant for happy hour, and finishing up at La Bare strip club! I've never been to any type of strip club before, so I'm sure I'll have stories! Especially since about 15 girls are coming! So fingers crossed I can control my eating and drinking, since those drinks will be full of sugar. My only complaint about Phentermine is that if you take it too early in the morning, the effects sizzle out in the evening and you're hungry. So, tomorrow I'm probably going to wait to take it until 12 or 1pm. Then, hopefully it will last all night and I won't want to eat a lot.

I'll definitely post pictures from the party too!
Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

50th Post! And wow I've been gone for 4 weeks.. oops!

Hello lovelies! Didn't mean to disappear on you... Did you think I rode off into the sunset with airport guy? Ha, just kidding.

So, let me update on a couple things.. J (airport guy) is dunzo. We were done probably 5 days after my last post about him. Just didn't workout. No big story. I've been pushing myself to meet more people, mostly because my sister's wedding is 3 1/2 weeks away! I really wanted to have a date for it. But the more I think about it, I'm fine with going alone. My friends will be there, and I'll probably have more fun if I'm not having to babysit some guy that doesn't know anyone there but me.

On to weight loss. Nothing to really update. I eat well when I can, but weekends always come back to bite me in the ass. I did actually go to a weight loss clinic last night. They weighed me and surprisingly I had lost 1.5 pounds. I decided after reading up on it, that I wanted to try Phentermine. It is a diet pill that's supposed to curb your appetite, but you still have to eat right and exercise. But, I think this may work well for me since my main problem is craving bad food. If I'm not hungry, then I'll eat a small meal of something healthy. I don't want to depend on this long term, but I've read it can really help kick start your weight loss.

I was pretty disappointed with the doctor though. She was a tiny little woman. And she was just flat out rude. I weighed in at 193.5. She asked what medications I'm on, and I told her birth control and then zoloft for depression. She then asked me, "Are you depressed because of your weight?" I told her no, that depression runs in my family and this has nothing to do with my weight. Then she proceeded to tell me, "Well, if you would work out 5 days a week and eat right, you won't need zoloft!" Excuse me? I understand that exercise produces endorphins, but to act like that will solve the chemical imbalance in my brain? I don't think so lady! They asked me how much I exercise, and I said right now only about twice a week. The way they kept asking exactly what workouts I do, I got the feeling they thought I was lying about going to the gym! Then she told me, "Well your body fat content is high, which I'm sure you already know.." Um yeah I know I'm fat, but I don't need someone to be condescending about it. After rushing through that she went to get a manicure at the salon next door. All in all, it was a shitty experience. But I got my damn prescription so that's all I care about. Sorry to ramble, but I wanted to share that because I was just so shocked being treated that way. Has anyone else gone through something like that where you're treated like crap because you're overweight? And I was at a weight loss clinic for God's sake! Duh, of course I'm overweight. Ok anyway, moving on.

So this is day 1 on Phentermine. I take (1) 37.5mg tablet every morning. I have to say I do feel a tad jittery, but it could also be in my head. I haven't eaten anything yet, because you're supposed to take it 1-2 hours before breakfast. I plan on only eating a banana and cheese stick this morning. I still feel hungry, but I can tell I already have a lot more energy. Hopefully it'll last until I can make it to the gym tonight ha!

So how have all of you been?!