Saturday, December 31, 2011

Crash!... That was the sound of my world turning upside down.


I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, and have been going back and forth about whether I should publish it or not. So, that's why I'm not considering this my first post of 2012.

So.... I mentioned previously, here, that something drastic is about to happen in my life. I was pretty vague and that's because IF any of my extended family, happened to come across my blog, it would cause an enormous disaster. I even looked to see if blogger will let you set certain posts, where only followers can see them, but that's not possible. I've changed my google settings where my my blog isn't search able, so I think I'll be alright. I'm mostly just writing this post for myself. To be able to look back and just write (or type) out my thoughts and emotions. If you don't feel like hearing about how my life is a cluster fuck, skip this post.

*sigh* Ok, here goes.

I found out 2 months ago that my parents, who have been married 29 years, are getting divorced. They've known since May of this year. This literally shocked me to my core. I can't even paint a proper picture of how happy my parents have seemed my entire life, up until 3-4 months ago. They're religious, have always been affectionate, I never saw them fight, and divorce was literally NEVER in any of our vocabulary. I've had two months now to deal with this and prepare for it. The worst part.. they made me promise to keep their upcoming divorce, a secret from my sister, until after her wedding. I do understand this. If she knew, her wedding day would be that much more emotional and almost sad for her. But it's soooo hard for me not to tell her. She's the only one that will really understand how crazy it is.

So Wednesday, my sister texted me and asked if I'd noticed my Mom acting weird. I played dumb and asked what she meant. My Dad just recently bought himself a laptop, and she said that my Mom asked her if she knew the password to get into his laptop. Obviously, that would cause my sister to suspect something, so I'm not quite sure why she asked my sister that. I texted my Mom right after that, just to let her know she needed to be more careful in front of my sister. My Mom immediately told me to call her, so I did.

I told her why my sister was suspicious and my Mom just kind of went off. Let me give you a little background information. My Dad has always been one of those people that didn't want a cell phone, because he said he didn't want people bothering him. About 3 months ago, out of the blue, he got a cell phone. I also just found out recently, that he has a different cell service carrier too. So he's not even on our family plan. Talk about weird. Ok, back to my Mom. She angrily said, "He thinks I can't see him sitting in the study on his fucking cell phone!" At this point, I asked her what was going on and also asked if he's seeing someone else. She said she doesn't know what's going on. We both started crying.

A little more background information. A lot of the time, when my Dad isn't home, I'll ask her where he is and she says, "He's with a friend", and won't give me any other info. So, on the phone, I asked my Mom what "he's with a friend" means.. She said, "It means he's with a friend". WTF? I asked who his friend is and she wouldn't answer. I asked if he's seeing another woman. She said, "I can assure you it's not another woman." I jokingly said, "What, is he gay?" and laughed. She would not answer. All she said was that she needed to let him tell me whatever details he felt comfortable sharing. So now, I think my Dad might be gay! Which is absolutely insane! I literally sat and cried in my office for 20 minutes after getting off the phone with her. I've never had any inkling that he could be, or even that they were unhappy together. I still don't know that he is, but what she said really makes me think that. I'm going to need therapy after all this is said and done. Geez.

4 comments:

  1. So sorry about your parents. It's good to vent and get it all out of your system. Stay positive!

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  2. sorry to hear about all of that hope everything gets better for you just know all your bloggy buddies are here for you : )

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  3. That's a doozie. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. :(

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  4. Thank you all for the sweet comments!

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