Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I don't what to do...

There's something I've been wanting to blog about..

Something that has had a pretty big effect on my life and my relationships..

But I'm really scared.

It's something that people are super judgmental about and that I'd die if random people I know, found out. But, it's also something I wish I could vent about the most.

 I'm just not sure...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Back to the juicy stuff..

I almost can't remember where I left off with Apple Guy.. It's been so long and so much more has happened since I've blogged. I think it was two weeks ago... Maybe three.. I stayed with him over the weekend, like I usually do. We went to have some yummy sushi and then went to a bar we've gone to a few times before.. I had their famous frozen screw drivers and he had his whiskey. We talked about everything like we usually do. He said something to the effect of.. "Hmm what do you not know about me..". Then he tells me that the baby on his lock screen of his iphone (that he previously told me was his niece) is actually his daughter. I had to ask him multiple times if he was kidding before actually believing him. And then, I was pissed. Not upset that he has a child. I've dated men with children before. But why lie about it? That's nothing to be ashamed of, and only makes me more suspicious of how honest he is. He tells me the long story of his ex and how it happened. Turns out, the mother moved out of state, didn't put his name on the birth certificate, and gave him no contact info. he hasn't spoken to her or seen his little girl in almost 2 years.

Anyway, that doesn't really pertain to anything, but I guess that's maybe why he kept it from me..? I'm not sure. We continue talking about it, about his daughter and everything until it's time to leave. We head back to his apartment and make ourselves another drink (like we needed it). We get into our pj's and get in bed and talk. I was very very drunk at this point, and I start trying to initiate sex with him and he just keeps saying he's not in the mood.. It's been a week since we've done anything and I'm about to start my period. I continue to stupidly grab his naughty places to get something started.. He continues to reject me and since I'm crazy hormonal, I start bawling my eyes out. That's all I remember.

 He tells me the next morning, while I'm looking in the mirror at my huge, swollen eyes, that I cried for over an hour. And as soon as he'd get me calmed down, I'd try again. It's funny to look back at now, but I really do have lots of insecurities that are made worse when I'm sexually rejected. He said I finally laid down and he played with my hair until I fell asleep. What is it with me and drunken meltdowns? I just love making myself look like a psycho girl, apparently.

Anyone else have any embarrassing, drunk-cry stories?

Happy Birthday, little bloggy!

Do you hate me?
 Yeah, I thought you would. I know, I'm a terrible blogger but I'll try to be better!

But before I do that.. I was gone for my blog's 1st birthday!

Happy Birthday, Vibrant Raze!

And if you were actually a person, I would've bought you this balloon.

I guess I'm supposed to tell you all that I've learned about the world and myself in this last year? Sorry, no huge epiphany or anything. But I do love my blog, and I look back and see all I've been through this year, and I kind of impress myself. We're all so much stronger than we think we are. We just don't know it, until we're smacked in the face with these difficult situations. God knows I've been through my share of boy and family drama this year, but I haven't faced anything I couldn't handle. But, here's to hoping I'll look back again in a year and say, "Wow, compared to that first year, this one was a piece of cake!".

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know...

Hello lovelies!

I still need to update more on things with Apple Guy and I.. but afraid I'm too exhausted tonight.. but soon! I promise.

Oh, guess who had a baby today?? J, my high school sweetheart. Yeah. Oh did I forget to mention that she was 7 months pregnant when they got married?! Probably because I found out the night before leaving for Florida and I tried to forget it. But anyway, yeah.

I will leave you with this amazing cover of Gotye's Somebody that I used to know, done by a group called Walk Off the Earth.


Aren't they amazing?!?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A disappointing morning

 I hop into my car, anxious as humanly possible, and text him right before pulling out of my driveway to see if he was still awake, since I knew he hadn't slept any the night before. I begin my thirty minute drive to his apartment. I'm thinking about what he's going to say, and I pull into his apartment complex and realize I haven't gotten a text back from him yet. I park at 9am and call his cell phone, while walking in and there's no answer.

I think, Hmm, maybe he just dozed off or is in the bathroom. I stand outside his door and knock 4-5 times. I call him another 5 times and actually sit in the hallway outside his door for 30 minutes, like a lame-o. At 9:45, I decide to go find a close Whataburger and drive through and get something to eat and drink to kill some time. I get back and sit in my car and eat my food, while trying not to get mad.
I called him a bunch more times and walk back in to bang on the door and try to wake him up. No luck. By now, it's almost 11 o'clock, and I'm losing my patience. I look back now and wish I had just gone home and made him call me 10 times before I answer, but I like him too much, damnit. 

So, I look up movie times at a close theater to give him more time to wake up. I go to see Project X at 11:20am, hoping when I got out I'd see a text or call from him. But nope! I decide to go back one more time (I'd been calling him constantly) and knock on the door as loud as I can. It's now 1pm! I walk up to his door, bang until my little hand is bright red and keep calling. He FINALLY picks up and sounds half asleep and asks, "Where are you?" Without even thinking I say  "I've been here for 4 hours and you didn't answer!!!!!" He comes to the door with his hair all over the place looking hungover and miserable. He apologizes profusely and I mostly laugh it off, because I hate confrontation, and realized it was in no way intentional.   

So obviously, the romantic setting I had envisioned was not happening. We laid in bed and talked and he continued apologizing. To be honest, I thought he was going to tell me he loved me. But he actually ended up going into more detail about how he told his family all about me. He said he wants me to meet all his family, and that it's a big deal because he never brings any girls around them. It was sweet, but here I am with those three little words wanting to pop out of my mouth at any time, so I felt a little stupid.

The day didn't end up as I expected, but I still enjoyed our lazy Sunday together.

I'm falling..

So, I got back from Florida on a Wednesday, and I hadn't seen Apple Guy for almost a week. We made plans for me to come over on that Friday, go out somewhere, and then I'd stay the night. His roommate was out  of town too. So I get there Friday afternoon, and we both missed each other a lot while I was gone. He cooked some yummy Costa Rican food and we had a couple drinks before going out.

The first place we went was a hole in the wall, but kinda cool with red walls and chandeliers everywhere. We had drinks and talked. I'm realizing more and more how much I really like him. We have long, in depth conversations, about anything and everything. I'm learning more about his jealousy issues, so I understand the phone incident, more now.

I've actually felt for a week or two, that I'm starting to really fall for him. And that scares the hell out of me.. Because we're still not sure exactly what we are. Ok, back to that night. We had a couple drinks, and then went to a second place that was a little nicer. Continued to drink and talk until I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. We left around 2 and went back to his empty apartment. He wanted to take advantage of being alone and we started fooling around on the couch.

We had sex a couple times.. It was much better than the first time lol. And finally, we collapsed in bed at 5am. I think we slept in till around 1:00pm. It was St. Patrick's day. We were lazy and  laid around watching tv. We showered and then got back on the couch to be lazy again. We started making out and ended up having really slow, passionate sex on the couch.

Fuck. Now I'm really falling for him, I thought. We hung out a little longer, but I eventually left that night to go meet my friends at an Irish Pub downtown. He was going to visit with his cousin, who was visiting from Costa Rica. I went to the pub, didn't have a particularly great time. I was just tired and felt like watching The Vampire Diaries in bed. (That's my new addiction). We texted off and on that night, but I knew he was with family and didn't want to distract him.

I ended up leaving the pub around 1am and heading home. I crawled into bed, sent him one last text and watched The Vampire Diaries until my eyes became heavy.
Half asleep, I hear my phone go off and it's Apple Guy's text tone. I grab my phone, which shows that it's 8am, and see thah he's called me 5 times and texted me twice. I quickly text him and then decide to call because it put me in a panic thinking something bad had happened.

He answers and says, "I missed you soo much last night. I told my family about you and then I couldn't even go to sleep because I missed you so much. I think we're afraid to say that yesterday changed things between us. Will you come over and get in bed with me, so I can talk to you in person about it?"

I hung up the phone and got into my car.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

So little time..

Wow. I have so much to blog about because it seems like it's been forever since my last post. In real time, it's been 3 weeks. So much to catch up on!

I went to Florida with my two best friends, my mom, and sister. We had a lot of fun. The weather didn't quite cooperate, but we atleast had one hot, sunny day while we were in Destin.

Here are some pictures from Destin...

Skinny picture!

Tequila shots!

Me, my Mom and my sister

This is a short post, but stay tuned to hear about things with Apple Guy! ;)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Things are resolved with Apple Guy

So, I bit the bullet and texted him after three days of silence. I apologized and he's still hurt, but we're ok now. I actually went to hang out with him on Friday night and stayed the night. I'm thankful that when I got to his place, he acted normal and didn't make things awkward.

Last night, his roommate's band performed again, but over in my neck of the woods. So Kelly and I went and had a good time. No drama this time lol. I actually left my phone in my car just because I didn't want to deal with it anyway. I ended up staying the night with him again and it was the first time we "slept together". You know what I mean. I'm not giving details, but I was a little disappointed. Not with him really, just that he was really drunk and it was 4am for our first time.. I don't know. Guess I just hoped for it to be a little more romantic. Oh well.  

I'm pretty boring today. Nothing juicy to blog about.

It's a gorgeous day in Houston.
Here's  my new Florida sunglasses (I was stuck in traffic, not driving lol)

Here's to an interesting week!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Notes from The Universe

Yep.The Universe sends me notes.

Oh, you mean you don't...?

Well then sign up for them! :)

The presumption, Pretty Girl, at all times and under all circumstances, should always be that you are good enough, worthy enough, and lovable enough. And that you are exactly the right kind of person, in the right place, at the right time. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been instilled with such dreams in the first place.

Love you,
The Univer

All you do is go to this site, give your email, dob, and then a couple of your goals, and you'll start receiving encouraging emails that are personalized for you. I think it's a cool way, no matter what your religious beliefs are, to just get cool little love notes reminding you that you're not alone.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Liebster Blog


Yes that's the noise I made when I saw that the awesome, Marie, from MarjaLovely gave me the "Liebster" blog award! Thank you, Thank you! :) I appreciate it more than you know!

So, the Liebster blog award is for blogs with less than 200 followers. It's great for new or up-and-coming blogs!

The Rules
1. Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their site.
2. Copy and paste the Liebster Award logo to your blog.
3. Choose five more up-and-coming bloggers who you feel deserve the award and hope that they will in turn nominate five more.

Here are my picks so go check, check, check em' out!!!

I effed up with Apple Guy..

Bear with me. This post may be all over the place.

Ok, so this past Saturday, I went over to Apple Guy's apartment and made sangria for us to drink before going to his roommate's concert. I had three glasses and was feeling good. He drove us there, and we got there and I met up with my best friend, Kelly and her husband. He went and chatted with his friends. His roommate's band did absolutely amazing! By the time they left the stage, I was drunkity drunk. I think I'd had 4 drinks and 2 shots. Kelly and I decided to sit down between bands and drink some water.

As a single woman in her twenties, I have a bad habit of texting inappropriate things to boys. Whether they're guy friends or ex-f buddies. I know, I know, bad Brittany. Please tell me I'm not the only one? Please notice I said, As a single woman, because that's what I am. And no, I don't text random boys when I'm in a relationship.

Anyways... I just wanted to explain that. Back to Kelly and I.. We sit down, and I realize I can't find my phone. I was sitting on it, but was ridiculously drunk out of my mind. So, Apple Guy says he'll hold it in his pocket for me. I hand it over and Kelly says that I jokingly said, "Don't look through it, dammit!" and laughed. I don't remember saying that. He disappears somewhere and I go watch the next band. I keep looking all around the small venue for him and he's nowhere to be found. I even walked out to the smoking area once, but no luck. He was gone over an hour, with my cash, ID, and my phone.

Finally, after the band finishes, I finally find him. Kelly and her husband decide to head home. I was still down to go somewhere else after. But, Apple Guy said he wanted to go home. I wasn't in any sort of shape to argue. He asks when we get close to his place, if I'm hungry. Oh, I forgot to mention all I'd eaten that day was a half chicken salad sandwich. That's all. Not smart, I know, so I was starving. We drive through Jack in the Box and get 6 tacos.

We get into his apartment, and I sit down at the island, which has bar stools. He gets a serious look on his face and says, "Ok we need to have a talk, and it's not going to be a good talk". I'm like alright.. He says, "Well, I went into that bathroom and I was peeing and I heard a phone in my pocket go off. I thought it was mine so I pulled it out and started reading the text message. I was not happy with what I found, and I admit I read back and saw that you've been talking for quite awhile." I'm sure I had a shocked look on my face. I have a pink case on my iphone by the way. No way he'd think it was his once he pulled it out, but that's beside the point. I asked him what texts he was talking about and who I was texting. He said he didn't remember the name. I start crying, because let's face it, I'm drunk, tired and emotional. He tells me that he thought we were close to being "together", which I must say, also shocked me.

He said that he was too hurt and he couldn't even imagine sleeping next to me. By then, it was about 1:30am and I was still nowhere close to sober. I ask him through streaming tears, "Do you want me to leave?", and he says, "Yeah, I think that would be best". At this point, my crying is uncontrollable, and he starts trying to get me to eat a taco, which I of course had no appetite. I get up to pee and come back crying even harder. I don't think he had any idea how upset I was going to be.

He comes over to hug me and tells me he didn't mean to make me cry and that I should stay and we can talk tomorrow. We change into pjs and watch a little tv on the couch silently, and finally decide to go to bed. No kiss goodnight, no cuddling, which suited me just fine. I wish I could remember more of what I said when he confronted me about it, but I was just too drunk. I know I apologized and told him that I liked him a lot, but that I had no idea that he was actually planning on having the "exclusive talk" the next day.

I woke up at 8am on Sunday, with an awful stomach ache. I'll spare you the details but I was in there 6-7 times. Weird thing, I was so light headed and felt like I was going to pass out. Eventually, I threw up twice too. Needless to say, we didn't end up talking about it before I left. And neither of us has texted since I left.

I texted Kelly that morning and told her about the situation, and she was totally on my side. The more I thought back, the more I realize, after I gave him my phone, that's when he disappeared for over an hour. I'm almost positive, he was literally looking through all of my text messages. Which, ok, maybe what I did wasn't right when I'm "talking" to someone, but for him to feel he has the right, when he's not even my boyfriend yet, to look through my private messages? I don't effing think so! He's a very flirty guy, so if I looked through his texts, pretty sure I'd find something that would hurt me as well.

And even worse, to have the conversation at 1am when I'm drunk, and then try to make me drive myself home? I don't know, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think we're both in the wrong, but what he did looks very psycho boyfriend to me. Last thing, we've literally been seeing each other a month, and he told me the first week we were hanging out, that calling someone his gf is a very big deal. He said he'll even date a girl for 3-4 months and she still may not be his gf. So, I in no way saw him as being ready to take that step with me this soon.

 Like I said, I hope this wasn't too hard to follow and all over the place, because my mind is just that. Plus, I've still been sick and light headed with fever, so we'll just blame it on that. Please let me know what you think! Even if it's bitching me out! Because I haven't gotten any objective opinions on it. Am I the one that's wrong? Is he? Or are we both? It may not even matter.. maybe we're done, I don't know. I can't bring myself to text him, but maybe I should.

Another small update! My sickness has pushed my weightloss to 21 pounds! There's one good thing that came from the weekend. I was 174 this morning. 

Please let me lose 9 more pounds by spring break! *Looks to the sky with pleading eyes*

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I love a man that calls..

Guys these days never call.

 Texting is about as far as it goes. And I'm guilty of it too. It's like if you called a guy, just to see what they were up to, they'd be like, "Umm.. So.. What did you need?"

Apple Guy calls me atleast twice a week. Just to see how I am, what I'm doing.. I feel like I'm in high school again and I love it! I think a guy that will actually pick up the phone and call, is showing effort. Things with us are good, although, we're not an "us" yet. Still seeing each other.

I actually went on a date last night with an online guy, and it was awful! We were supposed to go out for sushi this coming Friday, but he asked if I wanted to meet him for a movie last night, so I decided to go. We were meeting at 7:45 for the 8:05 movie. First of all, movies are Never a good place for a first date/meeting. You can barely talk and it's just awkward. Where do I put my hand, so that he can't grab it?  Ok, so I get there and park near him, he gets out of the car, and right away in my head I was thinking, Nope! No way this will amount to anything. He wasn't ugly per se', he looked like his picture, except he was about 30-40lbs heavier. Ugh. Why do people do this? I make very sure that all my pictures are recent, because I want to save myself the embarassment of being that person that had too put old pictures up to get a date. Another thing, I have this thing with men's hands. If they have feminine, or small hands, it creeps me out! I know that's very judgmental, but it just weirds me out. This guy was 6'3" and had hands the size of mine (and I have small hands as it is)!

So we walk up to get tickets, he buys mine, which I appreciated, and then we make awkward small talk until we get to our theater. We sit down and are the only ones in there. There was still 15 minutes until the movie would start. It was like pulling teeth to have a conversation with him. And when he would say anything, he wouldn't make eye contact with me. He's 31 years old, and I don't have the patience with someone who has the people skills of a rock, at that age.

The movie starts, thank God, so atleast we didn't have to talk. Halfway through, he got up to go to the bathroom, and I secretly thought to myself, Please be ditching me and not just going to the bathroom. I even thought, jokingly for the most part, if I could make it out of the theater without him seeing me. I wouldn't have done that! But that's how bad it was. He comes back, of course, and the movie ends shortly after. We walk to our cars, and I was hoping he wasn't going to try to kiss me *gag*. Oh, I forgot to mention he had Braces! Yeah, he failed to mention that as well.

I do the side hug and tell him to drive safe. I secretly hoped he wouldn't text me again, but of course I get the "Had a great time tonight. You looked cute btw". So he texted me today, and asked if we were still on for Friday. I thought out my options, 3 years ago, I would've gone just out of obligation since we had already set those plans. But now, I'm 25 years old and I'm not wasting a Friday night on a guy I don't want anything to do with. I answered him with, "Honestly, you're a very nice, attractive guy that has old pictures on your profile, but I got more of a friend vibe from you. And I don't want either of us to waste our time." It worked, he said he had a feeling and told me to take care.

Not that Apple Guy and I are exclusive, but I started to feel a little guilty. I mean I barely hugged this guy, but I still couldn't help but think I'd be having much more fun if I was with [Apple Guy]. So even though we haven't talked about being exclusive, I think going on this shitty date made me realize how much I really am starting to like him. And maybe I don't want to see other people. Obviously, I'm not going to let him know that yet. I've been doing a good job at playing hard to get. But I think it's because I feel secure in his feelings for me. Which right now is just liking each other, and he tells me all the time. When it's been a few days since we've seen each other, he says cute things like, "I kinda miss you".. but not in a needy way. We just enjoy each other's company. And for only meeting a month ago, we're already pretty comfortable around one another.

This weekend, his roommate (who's in a band) is performing at a cool place in Houston, so we're going to that and then I'm staying the night with him. Updates to come on that.

Last thing!
I made a tshirt necklace.

Whatcha think?
Ok that's a shitty picture. I'm wearing it out tonight so I'll try to take a couple pictures.
I like them though. They're cheap, easy and cute!

Ok really last thing. Weighed myself this morning, and was 179.2. Back in the 170s to stay this time!

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Wednesday!

Friday, February 17, 2012

My Valentine's Day date

Hello Lovelies!

Sorry, I know I said I'd do this post yesterday, but I had an aggravating day, and made it home hours later than I expected. But anyways.. On to Valentine's!

I had decided a couple days before February 14th, that I should probably get Apple Guy something. Just a little something and a non-mushy card. He was taking me to dinner after all. Well, I procrastinated and there I was Tuesday morning, trying to figure out what to buy him. I brainstormed with my best friend, Kelly, who had met him the weekend before. He had told us a funny story about throwing a fit in Kmart when he was 5 because he wanted another He-Man action figure. (I linked that because I had no idea what it was when he was telling me about it). So we decided it would be cute if I could find a He-Man toy somewhere to give to him as a funny, thoughtful gift. I start researching online and they don't have them anywhere. Well except Amazon, and I didn't have time for that lol.

In the meantime, AG texted me asking what time I'd make it to his apartment. I told him that I had an errand to run after work and then I'd be there. He responds with, "Errand? You're not getting me a gift, right?" I waited a little bit to answer and said, "Yes, but just a little something :)". His response to this is, "Ughh well my gift to you is dinner, hun". I told him that was fine. I didn't expect him to get me anything. I mean, of course a girl can hope that she gets flowers. Even if they're cheap grocery store ones. But I wasn't upset or anything. After calling 6 different Targets to find a He-Man dvd, I finally found one.

I get off work and start heading into Houston. I get to Target and they actually have two dvds, volume 1 & 2. They're literally $5, so I contemplate buying both. But then I think, I don't want to seem like I'm putting too much emphasis on this holiday when we're not even together. Thinking back now I'm like, Really, Brittany? Like one more $5 dvd would have made any difference?  Whatever, I think way too much into things. Aaaanyways, I grab the dvd and a really funny card with a guy's buttcrack on the front. Ok, maybe I overcompensated the fact that I didn't want a mushy card but oh well.

I head to his apartment and when I get there, I put his gift in my purse so he can't see it. He meets me at the door and says he needs to take a shower and do some laundry and that I was welcome to chill on the couch and watch tv. I got there about 4:30 and our dinner reservations weren't till 8:15 so it was no big deal. I settle on the couch to watch The Dog Whisperer while he showers. He comes in the living room when he's done and watches tv with me for a little bit and then starts getting his laundry together. I'm sure you're all wondering why the details of this is relevant, but you'll see. He's about to load the washing machine and I hear him say, "Shit, [my roommate] used the last of the detergent last night!". And I'm like, "Well, just wait and do laundry later." He says that he has way too much laundry to wait (which there was a lot).

So he asks if I mind if he runs to the store to get detergent real quick, which I don't. I was wearing heels and really didn't feel like doing unnecessary walking, so he told me just to stay and relax and watch tv. He leaves and I continue watching tv. Some time goes by and I'm like, Geez it's been like 40 minutes since he left. A few minutes later, I hear his key in the door. He opens the door and walks in carrying laundry detergent and these beauties.......................

Talk about surprising me!!! Of course, the first, inappropriate, words out of my mouth are, "You little shit!". Ha, I do love surprises, but now I felt bad only getting him a little $5 dvd.  He really got that one past me. Obviously, I thanked him. And then I asked, "So were you planning this the whole time?" and he said he had. I didn't see it coming, and it was a breath of fresh air to realize that not all romance is lost. I mean, I've had serious boyfriends that didn't do things like this for me, and we're just "hanging out/talking". I'm pretty impressed.

I gave him his card, to which he laughed his ass off and was grossed out at the same time. And he actually really liked the dvd. I think he appreciated that I remember the little things like that. After the shirt he was planning on wearing was clean, he got dressed and we were ready to go. He looked very cute. Dark jeans, red shirt, sweater over it, with a tie. I wore the same dress from my birthday (since he hadn't seen me in it) and black hose and heels. I had to drive since his car didn't pass inspection, which he profusely apologized for. He told me we were going to a cute Spanish restaurant called Tintos, which served wine and tapas. It was adorable! Very classy and the food was amazing!

First thing I ordered were empanadas with some special avocado-lime-ranch tasting sauce. Yum yum. Then I had some sort of potatoes with different sauces. I know SO specific haha. Well he's Costa Rican so he was telling me what everything was. He ordered us a bottle of wine to share and we had a really good time. At one point he said, "So are you having a good time? I mean, are you glad we met and have been getting to know each other?". So cute. We finished by sharing some shrimp (see tails above) and then flan. I kinda took the picture a little too late, but the food was so good I didn't want to take the time to get my phone out.

He paid the bill and we drove back to his apartment. I went in for a little while and ended up falling asleep on his couch. He woke me up at midnight so that I could get home and get some sleep for work the next day. So, all in all, I'd say I had a pretty fantastic Valentine's Day!

Ok, so total change of subject, but I've been thinking about getting bangs. Like straight-across bangs. Not the extremely thick, blunt ones though. I can't decide though. Summers here are extremely hot, so I'm sure they'd get gross and sweaty then. Another thing, I have a somewhat round face. I've never been able to really decide what my face shape really is, but it's got to be between oval and round. Unfortunately, I carry weight in my cheeks. I just don't know if they'd look good on me. But, I've had the side swept bangs for years and I'm ready for a change. I just read this article so maybe I'll measure my face when I get home. Gosh I sound ridiculous lol.

Ok, examples of what I like:

And you can even still push them to the side like this...

Ok ladies! I need your help! What do you think? And please be honest, you won't hurt my feelings. Leave me a comment, please! :)

Sorry this post was waaay longer than I predicted.

Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day! (A Day Late)

How was everyone's Valentine's Day??
Anyone have any hot, sexy dates? ;)

So last Thursday, Apple Guy and I planned on having sushi. I got to his apartment wearing a cute dress, hose and heels, with my hair all curled, and we had a drink before we were ready to head out for sushi. Let me say this man compliments me more than any other man I've ever met.. And I freaking love it! He never shuts up about my hair, eyes, smile, boobs haha.

But anyways, he gets done telling me how pretty I look and then he says, "Ok, I want to ask you something now, before we have a couple drinks and I sound stupid." I'm like.. "Ooooook." So he sits down next to me and says, "I know we don't know where this is going yet, but would you like to have Valentine's dinner with me?" It was totally adorable! Of course I said yes.

I'll write a separate post on my Valentine's date though.

So, as far as weight loss, I've been pretty much stuck going back and forth between 178-180. I actually JUST finished working out before starting this post. I ordered the 10 minute trainer, that's made by the same guy that does all the P90X dvds. It came with 5 different workouts that are only 10 minutes each. I did the total body 10 minute workout and whew, I was sweaty and out of breath! After literally just ten minutes. I have 3 weeks until my trip to Florida and I'm going to do my best to do ATLEAST one of the workouts a day. Maybe if I'm feeling crazy, I'll do 2 or 3 in a day. If I could lose 10-12 pounds in 3 weeks, I'd be ecstatic. But that's a pretty big number, so realistically, I'll say 8 pounds.

Alright bloggy friends, check back tomorrow for details about my vday date ;)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Feels like I've been gone forever!

So how have you all been??

Let's see.. quite a bit has happened since I last posted. About a week ago we had the big, long talk with my parents and sister about the divorce. That was a blast, let me tell you. I won't do a big long depressing post on it, I promise. The gist of it.. My Dad is, in fact, gay. It's crazy, but I don't love him any less and of course I accept him. My sister took it better than I expected her to, as well. Enough of that lol.
I also turned 25, 3 days ago. Last Thursday, Apple Guy and I decided to go see a movie, since I'm getting off work at 3 now. I decided on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It was fucking amazing!!! If you haven't seen it yet, get your butt to the theaters today! I want to read the books now that I saw the movie.
But anyways, I picked him up (since it's still hard for him to drive) and we headed to the movies. He told me as we were getting out of the car, that he was treating me to everything, since he wouldn't get to see me on my birthday. We got our tickets and then he wanted to get me a drink and popcorn, and then himself some nachos. We lugged all that to our seats and waited for the movie to start.
As far as what we are.. I have no clue. And I'm ok with that, we've said from the beginning that we want to be/stay friends no matter what happens between us. But as we're sitting in the movies, he grabs my hand to hold it, and then kisses it. Which, I'm definitely not complaining about, but that's not something I do (hold hands) with someone that I'm just friends with and kiss occasionally. So that confuses me a bit. After the movie was over, we get back into my car and it's around 7:30pm. He tells me that he has some old coworkers coming over to make him dinner because of his surgery. He tells me I'm welcome to come and eat as well, even though I was a little iffy about it, I decided to accept his invitation. All his old coworkers were super nice and friendly. We ate and drank and had a good time.
Around 9:30, Apple Guy asks them if they want to go out to a bar nearby. They all agree and he asks if I can go, since I have work at 8 in the morning. I figure I'll go for a little bit. We get there, have more drinks and shots and he kiddingly suggests that I just stay at his place for the night and call in to work the next morning, since it's almost my birthday. After all those drinks, I decide it's a fantastic idea. So, we literally stay at the bar till 2am, get back to his apartment and make ourselves another drink (even though it was the last thing we needed). He gets me an Apple tshirt to sleep in, since I was wearing a dress and leggings. We get into bed, talk, joke, laugh and finally cuddle up to go to sleep.
I won't bore you with the next morning and day, because it was mostly just spent hanging in our pj's watching tv. But, I'm starting to really like him. A lot more than I thought I would. I feel like I think/say this about all guys I start to like, but I feel like he's different. I know that totally makes me sound like a naive idiot that can't stop being hopeful about every new guy that shows up in my life. But he really does seem different! I hate to even say that because I feel like I'll jinx it.
You know what else I think jinxes things? You're all going to think I'm crazy, but everytime I decide to change a guy's text tone from the default tone to something that's only for him, it seems like everything goes to shit after that. Ha, I totally do sound nuts, but it really does seem to happen that way. Oh and I changed his last week, so here we go! Fingers crossed it won't happen this time!
Oh and for my birthday this past Saturday, my bestie, Kelly, took me to Aveda to have a facial and back treatment. It was awesome! And then we went out to some bars downtown that night. Here's the only two pictures I took on my birthday.

By the way, I used my new Remington ceramic curling wand from Target, and I LOVE it!

Hope you all have a fantastic Tuesday!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Date #1 with... Oh wait, nevermind!

So, my weekend... Not the best.

Friday, if you remember, I had a date.
Or atleast I was supposed to.
I was already in a gloomy mood, so I was really looking forward to going out and having dinner and drinks with this guy. We texted sporadically throughout the day and he still didn't know where he wanted to go, which annoyed me. I got off work at 5 and ran a couple errands before going home and getting ready. He said he was supposed to get off work at 6:30, so I texted him at 6:45 to see if he figured out where to meet.

He texted me back at 7 and said he'd just got off work, but told me he wanted to meet up at pizza place/brewery. I was pretty much ready, for the most part, by then.. so I was just watching some tv and touching up my makeup a little. I texted him at 7:45  and asked what time he wanted to meet there. By 8:15, I hadn't heard anything so I texted him again and said I was going to go ahead and leave my house to head to the restaurant, which was a 30 minute drive for me. Finally, he answered saying he'd be there between 8:45-9. That worked for me, so I headed that way.

8:20pm (AFTER I'd already left) Him: Wait don't leave yet

I decide to pull into the Walmart parking lot, and kill some time, since he told me not to leave yet and I already had. Oh, I also may have gotten a sprite from the McDonald's drive-thru and added a little vodka to it. Don't judge me.

8:40pm Him: You're going to kill me

8:41pm Me: Why?

8:44pm Him: A good friend just called, their car broke down and nobody can get them, I have to go help her out, she has a lot of health issues.

8:45pm Him: Will you let me make it up to you?

At this point, I'm bawling my eyes out in my car. Not because of this guy, whom I've never even met, but the last thing I needed was to be let down or disappointed at that moment. Who knows if it was a real situation, or just an excuse. Doesn't matter. He's obviously unreliable. I decided I could do one of two things. I could bitch at him and let him know how frustrated I was, or I could act indifferent. I also started driving to the movies. I'll be damned if I was going to go sit at home with full hair and makeup done.

8:54pm Me: It's cool

8:55pm Him: Well if you don't hate me let's go this week, and I'll promise a massage of you are interested ;-)

Uh, really dude?

8:56pm Him: I'm really sorry I was excited to meet you

9:05pm Me: I had a feeling something like this was going to happen.. But I understand.

9:06pm Me: I'm not saying you're lying or anything (even though I think you are), I just had a feeling. But if you really do still want to meet that's fine.

9:20pm Him: I definitely do, I'll do whatever I have to to make it up to you ;-) what do you want?

Sure you will, douche. After that I went to see Underworld: The Awakening, which was really good by the way. So I didn't answer him until after it was over. I doubt we'll go out. I'm definitely not contacting the idiot.

Saturday, I planned on hanging out with AG (Apple guy) in the evening. For the most part, I laid around and watched Felicity season 2 on dvd all day. At one point, I came out of my room to get something, and I could tell my Mom had been crying. She was sitting in a chair in the living room, while my Dad was in the kitchen on his laptop (where he akways is, nowadays). I went over and gave her a hug and asked what was wrong. Of course she said nothing. I still don't know exactly why she was upset, but I'm sure it has to do with the divorce.

I drove to AG's apartment and picked up some gummy bears on the way, since he'd had surgery the week before. Poor thing, had his arm in this huge sling. His roommate and a couple other friends were there and we all watched tv and youtube videos for awhile. Then we watched the new Planet of the Apes movie, can't remember the title. We made a couple drinks (although AG couldn't have alcohol because of the painkillers) and decided to play "fuck the dealer", which if you haven't heard of it, is a drinking card game. AG played with gatorade lol. It was pretty fun, and it got me drunk. I was the dealer quite a bit, therefore, I got fucked and had to drink a lot. We watched another movie, Moneyball, after the card game. I was starting to get very sleepy, and had already planned on just crashing there. We both slept in his bed, but no funny business lol. I had a good time with him, and I feel like he's someone I can trust.

Yesterday, I talked to my Mom quite a bit. My sister comes home this coming weekend, and my parents will finally be telling her that they're breaking up. I'm not looking forward to it. I hope she isn't upset with me for not telling her. My Mom is more worried about my sister and I, while I'm worried about her. My Dad has seemed so distant and out of touch lately. I feel like he doesn't even want to talk to me, but maybe it's because he is gay (I'm about 95% positive he is) and it's all just such an uncomfortable situation for him.

After he got home, we all three went to dinner and talked about when and how they should talk to my sister. It's all so weird and foreign still. I don't want to take sides, but it's hard for me not to want to be there for my Mom, especially when it seems like he's being so insensitive. I guess I'll find out all the nitty gritty details this weekend. I'm not excited.

On the up side, I emailed a few no-kill animal shelters last week and I'm going to be volunteering at one. I have to go this Saturday and Sunday morning for orientation and training. I'm really excited about this. I miss seeing and interacting with animals like I did as a vet tech.

I'm also still working on weight loss. I was 182.4 this morning, so I'm not losing but not gaining either. I ate pretty bad this weekend and a lot of last week, so I'm back to doing good today. I want to lose 10lbs by my birthday (12 days) and 25-30 more pounds by my vacation in March.

Sorry this post was all over the place. Props if you read the entire thing :)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

First date with Apple guy..

I've been a busy girl this week.
Monday I had a first date with a guy I've actually been texting on and off for close to a year. Yeah weird situation, but we've never met. One of us would always happen to start dating someone (usually me) right when we were planning to hang out. So he texted me out of the blue about a week ago and we decided to finally meet for sushi and drinks. I wasn't even sure it was going to really be a date. We decided beforehand to stay friends no matter what, so I went into it just looking at him as a new friend. He works at Apple, hence what I'm calling him.

I got there first and grabbed a table in the bar area and since it was happy hour I got a cosmo. I hate getting there first.. I'm usually running late for one reason or another, so I'm usually the one on the date, walking in looking for the other person that's already there. I only sat there for maybe 10-15 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. He walked in, looking shorter than I remember thinking he was, and gave me a hug and sat down to order a drink. Things weren't awkward at all.. probably because we know each other pretty well.. Just took a year for us to meet.

One thing: He could not be further from my normal "type". He's shorter than me (5' 5"), has long-ish hair (it's to his shoulders), and has no tattoos. But, weirdly enough, I'm still really attracted to him. I know this is shallow, but usually height is a deal breaker for me. I want someone bigger than me that makes me feel safe. Somehow I'm not really bothered by it though and neither is he. He brought up that he's never dated a woman shorter than him and loves when girls wear heels. I thought to myself that he must be pretty secure in himself to actually like when a girl wears heels with him.

Anyways, the conversation flowed extremely easily. We ordered some yummy sushi and talked about so many things. Where he's from, how his parents died when he was young, the drama with my parents, etc. After a couple hours it was only a little after 7 and he asked if I wanted to go to his place and watch a movie and then maybe hit up a bar before calling it a night. It was his last night to drink for awhile because he was having shoulder surgery Wednesday. We watched Crazy Stupid Love and he kissed me. We then had a drink there before going to a bar. Kind of funny, but we went to the place where I went on my first date with J (airport guy).

I only had one drink there and I wasn't planning on staying long. Well we ended up having more long conversations and met up with a couple of his friends. His roommate, who he was supposed to be riding home with, ended up getting absolutely wasted. So at 2am I still had to drive him the 20 minutes back to his place, before the 30 minute drive home. I didn't mind. I wanted him to get home safe, but was just tired and it was rainy. We get to his apartment complex and he starts trying to get me to stay the night. Not even to do anything sexual, or so he says, but because he was having surgery in two days and wouldn't be able to cuddle for awhile. If I hadn't had work the next day, I probably would have. But I said no. He almost wouldn't take no for an answer trying to make me feel bad, blah blah. I hate when you say no to something and people try to convince you otherwise. It really annoyed me. Especially, after we'd had such a fun night. But he was pretty drunk also, so whatever. Got home at 3:30 and crashed.

All in all, it was a good date. I like him, but just have to wait and see.

I actually had a date the next night (Tuesday) with a different guy, that was uneventful, awkward and I just got the friend vibe from him. So after that date, it was early and I went to see AG (Apple Guy), and just hung out and watched tv with him and his roommate. I ended up staying till midnight and wished him well for his surgery the next day and had another night of not enough sleep.

His surgery went well but he's stuck at home for awhile. Guess I'll have to wait and see what happens. Oh and I have another date tomorrow night. Dating can be exhausting! And you also drink more to ease the nerves so it's harder to lose weight. I need to catch up on sleep this weekend. Updates to come!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Coping Mechanisms

I went on the date Friday evening. Met at RA Sushi for a couple drinks and some really good sushi. He actually kissed me as soon as I walked up to meet him at the bar. Surprised me, but refreshing too. Atleast I didn't have to wonder if he was into me. After finishing sushi, we went to a really nice lounge and had a couple more drinks while making out on a couch. He suggested we go back to his place to watch a movie.

My drunken self gladly agreed. We get to his house about midnight and sit on the couch, I played with his dog (no that's not a metaphor). He picks out a scary movie and before it even starts, things are getting hot and heavy. Before I know it, we're in his bed having sex. I must have been drunker than I thought, because I don't remember much else. I wake up... thinking I'm at home, and realize I'm still in his bed, naked. I turn over and he's not there, but the bathroom door is shut and the light is on. I get up and go in the living room to check my phone.. It's 4am. I don't even know how long I slept. How embarassing. I get dressed and wait for him to come out, which is almost another 20 minutes. I apologize for falling asleep and tell him that I should be going. There's no way I'm staying the night. I get in my car feeling cheap and dirty, knowing I'll probably never hear back from this man again.

3 years ago.. I never would've even considered sleeping with someone on a first date. So what's changed me? Is it purely growing up? Is it going through tough things and using unhealthy things as coping mechanisms? I'm not sure.

I could've sworn I wrote a previous post about a conversation my father and I had, but I can't find it. It was actually right before I was going to Dallas to visit awkward boy. My Dad sat me down, told me that he saw a lot of himself in me. That he thinks we both have addictive personalities. That we try to fill voids in our lives with unhealthy things, like: sex, alcohol, shopping, etc. Talk about an awkward conversation to have with your dad. Although, I didn't talk much. I mostly sat there and listened while crying. As much as I tried telling myself, he didn't know what he was talking about, I'm starting to see more signs of that.

Now, do I think I'm an alcoholic? No. Do I even think I have a drinking problem? Absolutely not. But since I know that alcoholism runs in my family, I do know that I need to be careful. As far as sex.. Almost 3 years ago, after breaking up with my high school sweetheart of almost 6 years, I had a month-long rebound with a stupid random guy I met at a restaurant, and something happened with him that caused me a great deal of pain. I don't want to get into it now, maybe I'll update at another time, but it's something that makes people look at you differently. I dealt with this by being more open about my sexuality, and to put it bluntly, being slutty. Was that a healthy way to deal with what I was going through? No. But I'm ok now.

Now that I'm going through all the drama with my parents, I feel like I'm using sex and alcohol to cope again. I'm afraid if I continue down this road and push my feelings aside, they're going to come back and bite me in the ass much harder than if I just deal with them now. I don't know what to expect though. Everyone hears that girls with parents that divorce when they're young, are pretty likely to have daddy issues. But what about when you're an adult? I do think it will make me a lot more cautious when thinking about marriage. I just don't know the correct, healthy way to cope with it all. Therapy maybe? Too expensive though. Maybe just be open with my parents about my feelings. And go to my true friends when I need to talk about it. Maybe turn to things more healthy like exercise or yoga when I'm sad or stressed.

Life is just a big experiment. We're all damaged by hurt and circumstances in our lives. But I refuse to become one of those people that sabotage their lives because of other people's decisions. I apologize, this was a VERY self-indulgent post, but I felt the need to get it out there.

Friday, January 13, 2012

It's Friday! Friday the 13th at that

Happy Friday the 13th!

No new news on the weight loss. I've pretty much stayed the same the last few days. Hovering right around 183. I went out with my best friend, Kelly, last night. There's a little bar that has $2.50 you-call-its on Thursdays. So, I saved up calories/points so I could have 4 drinks. We had fun talking about anything and everything and laughing our asses off.

Let me tell you a little about Kelly. She's gorgeous, confident, married and can talk to a brick wall. Anytime I'm with her, people come up to talk to us. She's just a very approachable person. And I love that about her. I wish I could be more that way. But anyways, eventually, a couple guys come up to our table. One of them covered in tattoos and pretty hot. All of them mostly talking to her. I enjoy watching them flirt and then her saying she's married and seeing their reaction, haha. She's very flirty, but never crosses the line to inappropriate. So the tattooed boy buys us both a buttery nipple shot, which we gladly accept. Before he even gets back to our table with them, another guy is there talking to us. He was out for his birthday and stumbling wasted lol. He and the tattooed guy actually got into a little argument once we had our shots. So the drunk one left and we continued talking.

 Eventually, tatted boy's 3 friends came over to chat too. They were a fun bunch. Boys are always so taken aback by how open and dirty Kelly and I are. We openly talk about sex, vibrators, dildos, you name it. After awhile, it was already 2am and the place was closing. Even though he knew Kelly was married, he mostly talked to her. Which is fine, I'm not jealous or anything. But when we were about to leave, he looked at me and was like, "So Brittany, can I get your number?"  Wait, what? He wants MY number? I can't decide if I'm selling myself short or if he decided he may as well get his second choice's number. I'm thinking the latter. But either way, I'm not one to refuse my number to a hot boy.

So I got home about 2:20am, crawled in bed and my phone starts ringing. Guess who? Yep, tattoo boy. I answer, reluctantly. He starts talking about me letting him come over to sleep on my couch so I'll trust lol  Then he asked if he could take me out tonight, I told him I had plans (a date) and he got all butt hurt about it. He came off a little creepy/clingy on the phone. But in person he wasn't that way at all. Oh well. I'll give him a chance.

And then I have a date tonight with a hot 35 year old man. A little older than me, but he's really good looking and in great shape. We'll see how it goes. Supposed to go have sushi and then he said he's taking me somewhere special after..? Hopefully, it's not his basement. Updates to come on Monday.

Now have a laugh at some of these Friday pictures I found.